Why I Let My Kids See Me Cry (And You Should Too)

I was reading the news about a tragic event when tears started flowing down my cheeks. My seven-year-old walked into the room and froze, clearly uncomfortable seeing me cry. My first instinct was to quickly wipe my tears and pretend everything was fine—the same response my parents had when I was young. But something stopped me. Instead, I decided this could be a teaching moment about the full range of human emotions.

The Messages We Received About Adult Emotions

Many of us grew up believing that strong, capable adults don't cry in front of children. We learned that showing emotion meant we were weak, unstable, or burdening our kids with adult problems. These messages taught us to suppress our authentic emotional responses, creating a disconnect between how we actually feel and what we show our children.

What Children Learn When We Hide Our Emotions

When we consistently hide our emotions, children learn that certain feelings are unacceptable or dangerous. They may conclude that adults don't have feelings, or worse, that having strong emotions makes them "less than" or broken. This can lead to emotional suppression and difficulty processing their own feelings as they grow up.

Age-Appropriate Emotional Honesty

Showing emotions doesn't mean overwhelming children with adult problems or using them as emotional support. It means acknowledging our feelings simply and honestly: "I'm crying because I read something sad in the news. Sometimes adults have big feelings too, and that's okay." This normalizes the full spectrum of human emotion without burdening them with details they can't process.

When my daughter saw me cry that day, I explained that crying is one way our bodies process sadness, just like laughing processes joy. She nodded solemnly and offered me a hug. Later, when she scraped her knee and cried, she said, "It's okay to cry when we're hurt, right Mom?" In that moment, I knew I'd given her permission to be fully human.

Discover more ways to model emotional authenticity in "Unexpected Gifts of Parenting"—where vulnerability becomes a strength.