How Therapy Changed the Way I Talk to My Children

Sitting in my therapist's office, I realized I was recreating the same communication patterns with my children that had left me feeling unheard and misunderstood as a child. The way I dismissed their concerns, interrupted their stories, and prioritized compliance over connection was eerily familiar. Therapy didn't just heal my past—it transformed my present as a parent.

Learning to Really Listen

In therapy, I experienced what it felt like to be truly heard—to have someone listen without immediately trying to fix, judge, or redirect. This experience taught me to offer the same presence to my children. Instead of half-listening while planning my response, I learned to put down my phone, make eye contact, and really hear what they were trying to communicate.

Validating Emotions Instead of Dismissing Them

Therapy helped me understand that all emotions are valid, even when the behavior that follows isn't appropriate. I stopped saying things like "You shouldn't feel that way" or "That's silly to be upset about." Instead, I learned to say, "I can see you're really disappointed" or "That sounds frustrating." This validation doesn't mean I agree with their behavior, but it honors their emotional experience.

Asking Questions Instead of Making Assumptions

Before therapy, I often assumed I knew what my children were thinking or feeling and responded accordingly. Now I ask questions: "Can you help me understand what happened?" "What was that like for you?" "What do you need from me right now?" These questions opened up conversations I never knew we could have.

The Ripple Effect

As my communication style changed, so did my children's willingness to share with me. They started coming to me with bigger problems, deeper fears, and genuine excitement about their lives. The trust that developed through better communication became the foundation for every other aspect of our relationship.

Therapy gave me tools I never knew I needed and healed wounds I didn't know were affecting my parenting. Most importantly, it showed me that the way we communicate with our children shapes not just our relationship with them, but their relationship with themselves and others throughout their lives.

Explore more transformative insights in "Unexpected Gifts of Parenting"—where healing yourself becomes a gift to your children.