How to Handle Bullying Without Making It Worse

"Jake keeps calling me stupid at recess," my eight-year-old told me, tears streaming down his face. My mama bear instincts kicked in immediately—I wanted to march to the school, call Jake's parents, and fix this problem right now. But I'd learned from experience that jumping in too quickly can sometimes make bullying situations worse. Taking a breath, I focused on supporting my child while carefully considering the best approach.

Listen First, React Second

The most important thing you can do when your child reports bullying is listen without immediately jumping to solutions. Ask open-ended questions: "Tell me more about what happened." "How did that make you feel?" "What did you do when it happened?" This helps you understand the full situation and shows your child that their experience is important and valid.

Empowering Your Child

While you want to protect your child, immediately swooping in can inadvertently send the message that they can't handle difficult situations. Work together to brainstorm responses: practicing confident body language, using assertive phrases like "Stop, I don't like that," or walking away and finding a trusted adult. Role-play different scenarios so they feel prepared.

When to Involve School

Contact the school when bullying is persistent, physical, threatening, or when your child has tried to handle it independently without success. Approach school staff as partners rather than adversaries: "I'd like to work together to solve this problem." Document incidents with dates, times, and details to help school staff understand the pattern.

Supporting Your Child's Emotional Needs

Bullying can damage self-esteem and create anxiety about school. Reassure your child that bullying is never their fault, that telling you was the right thing to do, and that this situation will improve. Help them identify trusted adults at school and strengthen friendships outside the bullying situation.

Handling bullying requires balancing protection with empowerment, immediate support with long-term skill building. The goal isn't just to stop the current situation but to help your child develop confidence and resilience for future challenges.

Find more guidance on protecting your child in "Unexpected Gifts of Parenting"—where support and empowerment go hand in hand.