When Your Kids Don't Like the Same Things You Do

I had it all planned out. We'd bond over books—I'd pass down my love of reading, and we'd have cozy story times that would create lifelong memories. Instead, my eight-year-old would rather build with Legos than read novels, my six-year-old prefers math workbooks to fairy tales, and neither of them shares my enthusiasm for the outdoor adventures I dreamed we'd take together. They were becoming their own people, and those people had completely different interests than mine.

The Disappointment of Unmet Expectations

When our children don't share our passions, it can feel like rejection of something core to our identity. We imagine sharing our favorite activities with them, only to discover they find them boring or stressful. This disconnect can create disappointment, worry about their development, and sometimes pressure to force interests that don't naturally align with their personalities.

Discovering Their Unique Gifts

Instead of mourning the shared interests I'd imagined, I started paying attention to what actually lit up my children's eyes. My Lego-loving son was developing spatial reasoning and engineering skills I didn't possess. My math-enthusiast daughter was finding joy in patterns and logic that amazed me. Their interests were different from mine, but they were perfectly suited to who they were becoming.

Learning to Be Their Student

I shifted from trying to teach them my passions to learning about theirs. I asked my son to show me his latest Lego creation and listened as he explained his building process. I sat with my daughter as she worked through math problems, asking genuine questions about her thinking. This role reversal deepened our connection in ways I hadn't expected.

Finding New Ways to Connect

Connection doesn't require shared interests—it requires shared presence and mutual respect. We found new ways to bond: cooking together (which none of us were passionate about but all enjoyed), having deep conversations during car rides, and creating family traditions that honored everyone's different personalities and preferences.

Celebrating Their Authentic Selves

The gift of children who don't share our interests is that they expand our world. They introduce us to perspectives and passions we might never have discovered otherwise. They remind us that love isn't about creating mini-versions of ourselves but about nurturing the unique individuals they're meant to become.

Your children don't need to like the same things you do to have a close relationship with you. They need to feel seen, accepted, and celebrated for who they are—not who you hoped they'd be. Sometimes the deepest connections come from appreciating our differences rather than focusing on our similarities.

Explore more about honoring children's individuality in "Unexpected Gifts of Parenting"—where differences become doorways to deeper connection.